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There was no shortage of reasons why someone might set out on a lengthy quest to find and unseal an ancient tomb. Some might be enticed by the prospect of untold treasure or potent magical artifacts hidden within - after all, anything guarded by such a powerful magic seal had to be either extremely valuable or extremely dangerous. For others, the possibility of unearthing long-forgotten records and knowledge of Hyrule’s distant past might prove a greater lure than wealth or power. And a select few might want to pry open the massive, carved stone doors and delve into the dark, monster-infested crypt for no greater reason than simple curiosity.
Out of those options, Link’s reasoning was probably closest to the third. For him, it was all about the challenge. As the bearer of the Triforce of Courage, it was in his very nature to seek out new, difficult tasks and complete them solely for the sake of completing them. Whether that meant exploring dungeons full of hellish beasts and lethal traps, hunting down hidden treasures that had been lost for centuries, or helping random people he met in villages with meaningless errands, he was the kind of person who simply couldn’t turn down a quest.
In this case, it meant spending a week traveling to the farthest corners of Hyrule, collecting a set of three colored stone carvings, and using them to open an ancient stone mausoleum he’d stumbled upon while exploring around the north face of Death Mountain. Even if there was nothing behind it but dirt and old bones, the journey alone would make for an interesting story to tell Zelda the next time he stopped by the castle.
So far, he mused as he absently skewered another incoming Keese with his sword, the hidden crypt had proven more than a little disappointing. There were some easily-solved puzzles, a bunch of weak monsters, some meager treasures scattered here and there - nothing to write home about. The way things were going, he was tempted to turn around and -
That was when he noticed it, hidden in the shadows at the back of the main hall. With his keen adventuring instinct, there was no mistaking it - the section of wall behind the third coffin from the right was a slightly different color than the surrounding bricks. If that didn’t scream “secret passage”, he didn’t know what did.
One bomb later, Link found himself staring down a long, straight staircase lined with torches of purple flame, leading to a large, ornate treasure chest displayed prominently on a stone pedestal at the bottom. Now this was more like it!
As he cautiously made his way down the narrow stairs, he felt his hands trembling in anticipation. What kind of prize would be hidden away in such a remote dungeon, behind such a powerful seal? A legendary blade? A long-lost treasure? Some sort of one-of-a-kind ancient tool?
With bated breath, he stepped up to the chest, threw open the lid, leaned forward to look inside -
SPLAT!
- and was immediately knocked head over heels by a sticky green ball of goo that launched itself out of the chest and splattered all over his face.
“MMFFF!” Link cried out in surprise, the sound of his voice dampened to a murmur by the rubbery green slime covering his mouth. Impulsively, he grabbed at the goo with both hands and tried to tear it away, but it had already adhered to his skin like glue. No matter how hard he pulled at it, it barely seemed to stretch an inch before snapping back into position.
It was only when he gave up and tried to reach for his sword that he noticed three very important details. One, his hands were just as securely trapped by the mass of goo as his face. Two, the goo was actually surprisingly breathable - a small mercy, as it meant he wouldn’t suffocate from having his mouth and nose coated with the stuff.
And three, the goo was expanding at an alarming rate. In the small amount of time since it first latched onto him, it had already stretched out to completely envelop his head and hands, and it was rapidly spreading down his neck and arms.
Panicking, Link turned and started to stumble blindly up the stairs, hoping he could find something in the crypt that would help him escape from the slimy trap. It was already too late, though - now that it had started its expansion, the goo was growing faster and faster by the second. By the time he made it a quarter of the way up the stairs, it had already completely encased his body like a skintight suit.
And yet, strangely, Link realized his feet weren’t sticking to the floor. It was as if the slime had lost its stickiness once it had completely covered his body, becoming less like goo and more like rubber.
Experimentally, he tried pulling his hands away from his face once more. This time, they came free almost instantly, accompanied by a wet popping sound. He still wasn’t completely free - his fingers were stuck together as if he was wearing mittens, and the rubber over his face still left him sightless and speechless - but he was definitely closer to freedom than he’d expected to be.
But as he continued his blind climb up the long, narrow staircase, a soft bubbling sound filled his ears, and he felt a strange tingling sensation against his skin. At first it was just against the back of his head, but with each step he took, it spread further down his body - and as it traveled, the rubber suit seemed to squeeze ever tighter around him.
It wasn’t until Link felt the familiar weight of his sword vanish from his back that he realized the horrible truth. Somehow, the rubber suit was melting his clothing and equipment, absorbing them as fuel for whatever arcane enchantments were animating it! With a desperate cry, he began to frantically tear at the rubber around his hips, but it was far too late to stop the process. His sword, his wallet, the weapons and tools he’d collected throughout his adventures - all of them were dissolved along with his clothes, never to be seen again.
An overpowering sense of fear gripped Link’s heart, and he doubled his pace up the stairs. He needed to find something to get this suit off now, before it could finish whatever it was trying to do to him! He could already feel it flowing around his arms, forcing him to ball his hands up into tight fists and bend his elbows until his wrists were near his shoulders. Once his arms were folded as tightly as they could be, the rubber around his upper and lower arms merged together, trapping them in her new position.
Suddenly, Link stumbled and fell flat on his face, sliding down a few steps before he managed to catch himself with his elbows. Stunned from the fall, it took him a moment to realize what had tripped him up: the suit had pulled his right ankle up behind him to meet his thigh, and the rubber had melded together into a single sleeve just as it had with his arms. Before he could regain his bearings, his left leg was quickly subjected to the same treatment.
But even disoriented, confused, and confined to a magical bitchsuit, Link refused to give up and accept his fate. If this suit was so intent on stopping him from reaching the top of the stairs, there had to be something in the main crypt that could remove it! Slowly, he began to drag himself up the steps once more, crawling on his elbows and knees.
Needless to say, the suit didn’t make it easy for him - especially as it began adding new features the higher he climbed. Only a few steps into his ascent, a thick mass of rubber slipped between his lips and slid deep into his mouth, expanding into a massive inflatable bulb that pressed his tongue down and made his cheeks bulge. Further up, he felt a sudden painful pressure against his asshole as a massive dildo forced its way inside him, making him bite down hard on his rubbery gag to stifle his screams.
He was only a few steps from the top when the suit began to vibrate intensely against his crotch, surprising him enough that he lost his footing and slid back down a short distance. Repeating that final section of the climb proved to be an absolute nightmare as the powerful vibrations edged his helpless cock every step of the way, keeping him balanced on the very brink of orgasm without ever letting him go all the way.
Finally, after nearly twenty torturous minutes of climbing and relentless orgasm denial, a shaking, sweaty, exhausted Link dragged himself through the shattered wall and back onto the main floor of the crypt. Somehow, against all odds, he’d made it out with his sanity intact! The worst was behind him now; he just needed to -
“Well done, Hero!” a sultry female voice purred directly in front of him. “I must admit, you’ve surpassed my expectations yet again. I thought for sure I was going to have to come down there and carry you up myself, but you made it to the top without my help! Maybe I made that game a little too easy for you?”
Link could hardly believe what he was hearing. All this time, the person behind the sadistic rubber trap had been watching his struggle from the top of the stairs! There was never any hope of escape - he’d been crawling toward his own captor from the moment he was ensnared!
Before he could even think of trying to evade the unseen woman, he felt some kind of leather collar being buckled around his neck, followed by a sharp tug from what he assumed was a leash.
“How many years has it been since we last met, Hero? Hundreds? Thousands? It hardly matters - I knew that sooner or later, one of your incarnations would fall into my trap. Sealing my true essence away like this was certainly a risk, but now that you’ve been reduced to my helpless rubberized toy, I can conquer this land at my leisure. Soon, all of Hyrule will belong to me - not that fool of a Gerudo who thought he could use me as a pawn!”
It felt like Link’s head was spinning - and not just from the ongoing vibrations that were steadily driving him insane. What did she mean, incarnations? And why was she talking like she’d met him before?
“But where are my manners? Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Veran, Sorceress of the Shadows. And you, my dear Hero, are going to spend the rest of eternity as my personal plaything. I hope you enjoy crawling around in that bitchsuit, because this is the only kind of ‘dungeon crawl’ you’ll be partaking in for a long, long time…”
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